Goodnight, Year 52.

It’s been a good year for me. Welcome to my early to mid 50s. Seems like I need to consider expanding my creative voice a bit more and truly publish it much more, as well as complete what I need to send out into the academic ocean of voices. Love woke me from the slumber of despair, and it fuels my drive to continue my work. “Love is the law, love under will.”

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my nonacademic emotional mind lately

Anyone you choose to date or build a relationship with should know some basics about you–and you should know some basics about that person.

I’d rather know from the jump if a person is a homophobe/biphobe or some misogynistic creep. Absolutely not. Start out with honesty and clarity, and absolutely do not adjust your identity or pretend to be hetero for the world that privileges cis-heterosexuality. The way I see it folk who can’t deal with us and act a fool are helping me narrow the playing field over the long haul. A person who does not accept me as I am is not worthy of my time or energy. As you grow older you begin to realize that fact.

I don’t hide myself from anyone who wants to be in my space. Misogyny does not go away if I mask myself–and the closet then becomes a prison, and not just a private space. I’m saying that as a bi cis-woman I don’t think that the closet or pretending to be straight keeps me safe. In fact, it made things worse when I kept myself closeted.

I’d rather know up front what I’m dealing with.

I do what’s safe for me.

I’m out in my community, and I’m out to my family.

I know about domestic abuse, sexism, homophobia/transphobia/biphobia.

I know that some of our worst enemies come from our own, and make it a point of wishing negativity on our own for no other reason than “misery loves company.” I don’t do that to my own. I rebuke all negativity in the name of Jesus.

I also know enough about women’s history, Black history, and LGBTQ history to know that hiding yourself does not save you, or as Audre Lorde once wrote, “your silence will not save you.”

As such, I refuse to be silent in the face of bigotry. You do what you do and go in peace.

Follow your heart and rebuke the negativity. Anyone who does not respect your boundaries or objectifies you is unworthy of your energy or company. If for you that means no romance then so be it. Meditate on it, and follow what the Holy Spirit tells you about a person’s true intent.

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Return

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Insane.

That was the rumor running around town when it came to her. Crazy as cat shit, said no one to her face, but the label stuck to her whenever she showed up to the farmers market to buy eggs and string beans.  She lived in a brick house on the corner of Greene and Woodland streets near the edge of Vidalia Township.  No one visited that house, save for postal services who would drop off boxes once a month to her porch steps.  Her cats (hence the crazy as cat shit label) strolled around her fenceless yard, a dreary patch of dirt with a strange twist of trees covered in blue and green bottles. They never centered past her property and seemed to pose like sentries around her house in silence.  No one knew her true age, or how she managed to buy groceries, much less the packages that came from Amazon, or even less the taxes on her property that surely increased as would be expected of a town now popular with gentrified families seeking small town goodness near a bigger city.  She had no children or husband to speak of, no family or friends who would defend her reputation, so the label stuck.

Crazy.

And of course another name usually came in a harsh whisper:

Witch.

So said the neighborhood a bit louder and with more urgency when the newly arrived widower moved down the street on Greene and began to introduce himself to the locals.  A quiet but friendly man of advanced years, he was newly retired from the Army after decades of working as a physician in the Army Hospital in Germany. He had no children, and after burying his wife he settled for a small, neat house with a comfortable pension and sizable library to keep himself busy.  His rose garden was a pleasant distraction from the swirling gossip that landed near his door with the first neighbor welcome.

The warm welcoming came with a warning to avoid the crazy witch that lived on the corner. He thought otherwise.

As he sauntered up her driveway holding a dozen freshly cut roses, she took note of the familar gait of his walk as he moved towards the front porch. She stepped outside her door and gazed on the man meeting her eyes with recognition and warmth. She removed her shawl and draped it across the left arm while her right arm extended to the roses he clutched. He nodded as he clasped her bird like hand.

”Welcome home, my Love.”

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