a few film directors who influence me…

…..and some thoughts from their philosophical approaches to their art–not the only ones btw, just ones who stand out career-wise:

David Cronenberg:

Everybody’s a mad scientist, and life is their lab. We’re all trying to experiment to find a way to live, to solve problems, to fend off madness and chaos.
Censors tend to do what only psychotics do: they confuse reality with illusion.
I see technology as being an extension of the human body.
Sex is a doorway to something so powerful and mystical, but movies usually depict it in a completely flat way.
My cow is not pretty, but it is pretty to me.
You’re right on the money with that. We’re all like detectives in life. There’s something at the end of the trail that we’re all looking for.
I really, sincerely believe that one should trust the work, and not the author.
I have often thought it was very arrogant to suppose you could make a film for anybody but yourself.
I am certain that there are two things in life which are dependable, the delights of the flesh and the delights of literature.
Last but not least, Catherine Breillat (name drop moment: I met Catherine Breillat in the early 2000s at European Graduate School in Saas-Fee, Switerland–she taught a class on her film work to a class that included a small but very angry set of young, privileged white American men who spent their time trolling her instead of gaining insight on how she produced her work):
…the basic theme is the dichotomy of womanhood. the woman cut in two. every society creates laws to exercise power over women and exclude certain parts of the woman…
If I haven’t found out who I am until the end of my life…because I am afraid/ashamed of it, then I would have just pretended to live. Intimacy really means to find something out about yourself that is deep inside.
I am eternally, devastatingly romantic, and I thought people would see it because ‘romantic’ doesn’t mean ‘sugary.’ It’s dark and tormented — the furor of passion, the despair of an idealism that you can’t attain.

close up photo of camera lens

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Does my writing persist in talking about topics you prefer me to not mention?

Read “Laugh of the Medusa” by Helene Cixous, and get an understanding of how my feminism works, why I embraced the idea of women’s writing moving beyond reinforcing heteronormative, male-centered, binary, phallocentric gender performance, why it is so importance for the liberation of women and men from these limits that women and especially Black women write ourselves into the revolution, and of course, look for opportunities to disrupt the dominant paradigm currently chopping us into soylent green.

This is what a feminist looks like.

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fertile rite

moon
drawn down
you squeeze
you pull
you draw
thick blood running
rivers between my thighs
you rub my uterus raw

red moon during night time

Fall thoughts for poetry —random language

as I turn 52 this month I’ve been thinking about menopause a bit….I skipped this month….my eggs are no longer plentiful…..yet my desire to couple does not cease….Sex really is far beyond procreative meaning…..I will miss the power of blood when I reach the point of becoming Crone…..but this understanding of being a woman who is magical surpasses the womb…..a poem is coming to the surface……

saying it

as if good wimen are silent
while bad wimen are loud
since respectability politics
demand female silence and emptiness
such irony matched with urgency
in these struggle times
for all wimen to echo out
our righteous right
to love and pleasure
this not being prioritized enuf
this healing need to feel joy
necessitates me saying it

Letting Go

took me seven years
letting go of three I loved
another three years healing
my forties were fortunate
many moments of sorrow and silence
many nights drowned in fado
fado the river of music from tears
grief and wails pushing my raft downstream
without numbing myself or hiding
and by hiding i mean the usual suspects
we are told are helpful
but not even close
go find some fuckables to dick and dump
go find a husband or wife and breed
i chose to marry my very toxic love
my work
silent third suspect it is
until i finally learned
work is not warm enough to love you back
work is work
work is not love
work is what you do for others
but not your lover or spouse
and so i am free and unbonded
gave myself time to grow
seeking and finding meaning in me
letting go let me listen and wait
for the right one to share fate.

Consent part two

Consent matters
consent means
you ask
i ask
dont assume
dont just walk in
without asking
consent means
you consider
more than just
your space
your desires
your plans
your fantasies
your expectations
your needs
because anything else
renders
my voice
my feelings
my space
my dreams
my needs
invisible
consent means
you ask
before touching
my coat
my shoulder
my breasts
before
filling my space
filling my place
filling my face
consent means
you ask
because
you assuming
i say no
i say yes
based on
what you heard
about me
what you think
about my politics
about my opinion
of you
of your motivations
of your character
that are
are unknown until
you ask
says you dont
give a fuck
about me beyond
what you think
you can do to me
regardless
of injury or horror
your singularity
of your assumptions
do to
my body
my feelings
my soul
as you wreak damage
and dispose of me
even well intended
without asking
without consent
brings it all to
destructive ends
consent means
you acknowlege
you do not own me
you are not entitled
you are not a predator
you ask
because you see me
because you see my humanity
consent means
real possibilities
of dreams and desires
mutually fulfilled.