Delivery

the other question
you never asked
but you did ask
i was not ready
to answer
because i was not sure
you wanted to see it
answered
the other question
you never asked
yet hanging over me
a bit too intimate
to be spoken
much less written
but here it is now
for me to say to you
as you read these lines
while pretending to not see
anything else i write
out of a need for anonymity
like a discreet folder
or an envelope under a door
i am ready to answer
i am opening that door
i am drawing you closer
i am accepting you inside
i am saying yes to you.

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unpredictable

beyond expectations
like thunder after lightning
like carpets of fire following lava
logic of energy released
love manifests
so untrackable
so unpredictable
so unstoppable
so unending
like storms
like eruptions

saying it

as if good wimen are silent
while bad wimen are loud
since respectability politics
demand female silence and emptiness
such irony matched with urgency
in these struggle times
for all wimen to echo out
our righteous right
to love and pleasure
this not being prioritized enuf
this healing need to feel joy
necessitates me saying it

I use your insults against me as poetry

So yes, folk, I do get fan letters. I also get trolls. And then there’s spies who look at my social media for the purpose of running my name up and down hallways because they have nothing better to do, which is ironic, considering the fact that most of them get bigger paychecks than me. In fact one of them sent a nasty note to me via FB msgr whining about me being “sexually frustrated, anal retentive, and racist.” Someone, probably a man who really resents my voice on matters like consent and privilege, wrote this whiny set of accusations. I’m petty enough to use it in the next three poems in a short series called the accusations. Use it, said Blade to Whistler. Use it.

 

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Letting Go (Part 2)

letting go
of hurt
of people who hold you back
of people who hurt you
of people who abandoned you
of a painful past haunting you
of a betrayal of trust
of a lie told to destroy you
of a fear of utter destruction
seems daunting or impossible
outside the normalcy
of daily reminders
of human treachery
nevertheless we must let go
lest we drown
in sorrow and regret.

Letting Go

took me seven years
letting go of three I loved
another three years healing
my forties were fortunate
many moments of sorrow and silence
many nights drowned in fado
fado the river of music from tears
grief and wails pushing my raft downstream
without numbing myself or hiding
and by hiding i mean the usual suspects
we are told are helpful
but not even close
go find some fuckables to dick and dump
go find a husband or wife and breed
i chose to marry my very toxic love
my work
silent third suspect it is
until i finally learned
work is not warm enough to love you back
work is work
work is not love
work is what you do for others
but not your lover or spouse
and so i am free and unbonded
gave myself time to grow
seeking and finding meaning in me
letting go let me listen and wait
for the right one to share fate.