erupt

beautiful omen
of sublime presence

of ashen monstrosity
incandescent mist
billowing legion 

of inestimable domains
cosmic loop encasing us

of new landscapes erupted
emerging
enchanting

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alpha male

You added a piece to the vision today
addendum to paradigmatic gendered performance
you walking into your living room
my back to you in front of your fireplace
wearing the illusion you selected for me
obedience to your idealized objectification
long black wig with curls hanging over my downturned face like a veil
jezebel smudges and stains across lips, eyes, cheeks
my arms crossed in the front concealing breasts
my head down
me staring at the crease in your slacks
you staring at the curve of my spine
my ass and thighs barely encased
a shimmering black and gold micro dress and five-inch heels
your thickly veined hands sliding over then under to pull up the hem
the windowpanes shine unnatural light in the silent dark room
vertigo descends upon me as I glance at the streetlights below outside
we are both trembling

pexels-photo-266436.jpeg

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touch

hands with heavy veins
strong grip
soft palms
fire radiating from long fingers
to dark eyes asking
to be allowed to touch
you may

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mirar fijamente/espejo #30days #30days2018 by Cherie Ann Turpin

IMG_4781

you asked me if I was okay
i didn’t say what was really on my mind
i didn’t ask why do you stare so much at me
your eyes like your voice tipsy
that moment felt like a cotillion
waltzing and rocking back and forth
never touching
never kissing
court manners
social expectations
respectability of distant admiration
without acknowledging
phallic intent behind the gaze
not complicated to understand

IMG_4782

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my turn #30days #30days2018 by Cherie Ann Turpin

viral

my terms

my turn

talk about it without the deflecting

pause on gaslighting me

pause on gaslighting to mansplain me as damaged

gaslight designed to dismiss me as damaged goods

as if women are “goods” for exchange

as if the damage itself makes me not believable or trustworthy

rape survivors do still like sex

on our terms

we are human beings

not sex dolls

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codebook

IMG_4762

confusion truly

about heternormative signs and signals

about male heternormative signs and signals

about male middle-class working class upper class heteronormative signs and signals

i think i’ve been missing all the signs and signals

not sure if it’s about me as a bisexual woman

or me as a survivor of rape stalking domestic abuse

or me as a feminist

or me as an intellectual

or me not experiencing black men during my formative years in white suburbia

or all of the above

don’t understand it

the way my heterosexual sisters understand it

the whole mating thing

confusion

my mother says

i don’t make distinction

between a man who chases a woman

and a man who preys on a woman

it’s true i don’t

and here’s why

i think we who identify as women are socialized

to expect to be chased and expect to be prey

to submit to predatory behavior and call it romance

rape culture in respectability terminology

dressed in biblical convention

where no standards are spelled out just assumed

negotiated limits and boundaries unspoken

i’ve tried to conform to respectability of

conventional romance of that nice good woman

and still ended up alone

or wounded like all prey

caught and mauled to pieces

or else even more

confused by the bullshit

by passive aggressive signals and signs

left for me to decipher

strange and confusing allegorical lines fed to me

as if I had a code book to translate

black male respectability talk into plain english

when I really wanted was honesty as to

what the fuck do you want to say to me

or even better why not just risk the vulnerability

and tell me you really are on fire like the ohio players

a dance in the light cast by the bonfire of truth

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(not) edge #30days #30days2018 by Cherie Ann Turpin

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you living in the shadows

you demanding my trust

you see that word feminist and

your dick gets soft because

you fear rejection

you won’t be able to take me to the edge

you kept yourself limited to one definition of edge

shadow blind because

the edge is in many spaces and

not just in one space or place

no singularity of edge and

you missed that in

your eagerness to catch me off guard and

what makes you think

your vision of edge is everybody else’s edge?

you get all pissy

about expressing feelings or

you get all pissy

about limits and trigger exposure while

revealing

you are unworthy of trust when

it comes to my physical and psychological safety so

that’s not edge

that’s predatory

working on that issue

unpacking your fear of rejection by strong women

that’s edgy

that’s sexy

that’s worthy of my trust

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