i miss vodka.

my meds won’t let me enjoy my fav from grad school……grew into a love for whiskey–Jamesons, but my goto was Ketel One, straight…..I’d be fucked up right now, otherwise…..my whole day, except for my Scottish Brothers and Sisters’ awesome DH conference, was fucked up and i had to open my mouth and let folk know i was hurting and so now i gotta bust my ass to prove i’m no weakling to keep myself from getting into trouble with the VIPs…..i work in a hard, brutal industry and weakness is not tolerated–that’s been my experience at least–nobody likes weak bitches on the job–higher ed is no different than any other competitive industry and so i want to eat like everybody else and sometimes it pushes you to the edge–i thought i was about to fall because of the seizures and my money’s a bit tight–i panicked–i’m okay–but now i gotta prove i’m not nuts or some chump….so, tomorrow i do another podcast, Sunday i do another one–then one on Monday, Tues after class, and one next Thursday and Saturday….plus a presentation for CAS (this week or next?), and so no time for tears for poor me–so what….I do have therapy on the 17th so that’s good…..but I think the next time I get vulnerable like that i should just relax with a nice shot and keep it moving. i’m not that special [smiling]…..nothing like John Wick……i keep coming back to that film because it tells a truth about who/what really runs our world…that was my point, earlier….i think we all know that nothing is what it seems, and that reality, justice, and truth are all commodities. That is the price we pay for capitalism, and agreeing to submit to capitalism in exchange for what we believe to be modernity, technology, and the convenience of exploitative labor. Yes, you did agree to it, because if you didn’t, you and I and everyone else who is not a billionaire would have taken up arms to actively resist and overthrow these greedy oppressors.