odd silences from you

when it comes to me and my voice

you hurt me with that consistently and

with neutrality insofar as intent is concerned

which is why you have no opinion according to you

but you and I both know that itself is an opinion

and as my sibling in the spirit

and as my mentor

and as your touchstone but

what you do intentionally or not or

through genuine fuckup

—and you do sometimes—

is force me to get it out explain it

—and then i somehow use it in my work here

I am ready to write like

the Black feminist theorist that I am

and you are helping

and I think I am helping you

even as you stumble you help me understand how to

explain it better and share that insight

it’s my language my responses

but when I say feed me I mean engage

you are NOT stupid

you are frustrated and isolated

frightened like the rest of us

and some other things

but you really are cool

and you aren’t stuck up to the point of being stupid

just slightly off rhythm

you can call me a touchstone and

I will call you my mentor

your interaction with me has had some challenges occasionally—

but as I look at my own writing

I’d been trying to say this to you but

my own voice was muted

because of my health and spirit and now that I am better

I am doing the work

I need to do better myself

for my benefit and

for the people I care about

you confuse me sometimes and lately a lot

the healthier I get the more you confuse the fuck out of me

this has had real health consequences

this lack of communication or respect

or impression of lack of respect

as you choose not

to be clear or empathetic

to another human being.