I noticed I wasn’t only woman standing in a long line waiting to pay for a vibrator.
Winter will do that sometimes, draw a crowd into a small room with an agreement to not make a fuss or advertise what you are purchasing. Was it the cold inspiring women to go out and buy sex toys today? Or the new year sending us out to buy new toys? The woman ahead of me bought a simple crop and lube. She was dressed like me, in weekend wear for winter, nothing special or kinky.
I haggled over possible purchases, slightly disappointed that my old brand wasn’t there, that I would need to spend more than 15 bucks to get off this time. I picked up a button-type vibrator from the back of the store, then asked the clerk, a tall, slender, unassuming African American man with dreds, face piercings, and spectacles, to show me the vibrators under the glass up front: the pocket rocket and a similar device in red. The red one was cheaper, but only one speed. The white one had three speeds, and the fastest one felt like a jet. I got the faster one in white, and gave the clerk my bank card. He tested it with batteries, explaining why he opened the package.
So, do I just turn on my “pocket-rocket” and hold it to my clit? Perhaps. Perhaps not. Perhaps something more than that. The beginning isn’t the sensation itself but the desire, and the desire may occur as result of creative work.
I find myself inspired erotically through writing, and not just as a result of a sexual fantasy. On occasion I like to use the energy raised from sexual arousal and relief for something more, usually spiritual in nature. Sex magick is actually quite stunning and often unintentional, something between two people-or more, if polyamorous. When it is intentional, it can be almost overwhelming. It is synergy of two or more souls in one space, an unspoken passion appearing in the room like a ball of light-or it is a ball of light.
When you are the only living soul in the room, however, one can raise that power through sexual arousal and relief, and direct it wherever you imagine it. As women our erotic power is our own to wield and direct as we see fit.
For me, it moved me to publish my book, my poetry, and to heal from physical and psychic pain. The carnal and the spiritual are in one space-my body/my spirit. The batteries die out, but the imagining and manifestation of pleasure holds endless possibilities.
One of those imaginings for me is for me to discover what I currently seek: a lover.
A lover is more than sexual contact. It is friendship, spiritual connections, and erotic feeling all combined. It is doing the work of building intimacy as you connect bodies, souls, minds.
In the meantime, connect with your own desire and will. Draw your lover to you, or simply that part of you sitting in a room someplace, neglected. Invoke the Goddess to send out your message, and thank Her for helping you to remember that embracing your sexuality is not just about being with someone else, but also about being here with yourself, flesh and spirit combined and embraced.
Revel in touching the Divine within you.
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